Dull

I feel like working is making me dull. And I do not mean dull in the sense of stupidity or being uninteresting, but in the sense that I am not as bright as I used to be. Maybe a better word is tarnished, as though I have lost my shine and spark. Maybe this feeling is a part of that experience of working daily for a while after graduation, maybe it's due to that "grind" that I keep hearing about. Or maybe it's really happening and I've lost a little of what makes me feel alive and bright and me. Maybe this is a part of growing up and living tarnishes you.

Realism tells me that this is a job I should do, that I am safer, more secure and thus happier if I do this job every day for several years, maybe even the rest of my life. I am lucky to have a job in this economy, even more lucky to have one that pays well and gives me benefits. Is it impossible to have a job that you love? Is it impossible for me to love this one? I think so and I'm worried about becoming more dull as time wears on and I do this day after day. It could be melodrama, but if it isn't, that's all the more terrifying.